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Judgement

by Nahtiliene

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1.
To fail a balancing act To fall short of judgment A lifted weight A being of antithetical light The death of the carnal display Oil tapped from open cuts Saigon prayer for subjugation Second life My regent trespassing Outweighed by empty life Penitence will not absolve you Inchoate solipsism A Great Bending Luminescence A failure to balance I am to be gestalt
2.
In hymnal, hymnal, hymnal Phantom echoes in the rain Lingering spite alone breeds Wildflowers Carnal echoes in recursive And I ease my lingering spite On carnal echoes in the rain In a dumb stagnance Upon ingress Drifting in somnium, a quiet death An end to lucid glass minutes, bereft Out of solace, slip out of it’s caress A lifted weight upon my ingress Golden hair, shoulder blades Luminescent I caught your eyes across the maw of a sea of faces Through an open chasm of dreams As you echo out I catch your refraction
3.
Absent questioning Porcelain Magnetic Levitation Etching names for ascendancy Withered like sand Sun blind and chipped Absolution Absolving light Thin cuts Like porcelain Etched by bleeding hands Absent questioning Magnetic Levitation Speaking contradictions Teeth crack, sweat drips Let me get my bearings Falling out of favor with my herring Starved of purpose as forbearance Leaking iron like hemophiliacs Playing god, my only adherence Absent questioning My invocations Drinking a bitter rain Speaking contradictions
4.
Judgment 10:24
Thresh myself of life Reaping the sun in reaction Being made kinetic Inchoate ontoclast The actual is grandeur I transcend my design I transcend conviction Ingress Your gravity shatters my weighted hand I become my own refraction My gaze is isometric in totality Your gravity shattered my weighted hand Father Help me up the staircase Pray for my ingress Father Help me up Unshackle me from purpose Like voices spinning into a thousand plates Shatter with violent emptiness Help me up from ( ) Unchain me
5.
Failure Invoking death reversal In the moonlight orchard Pyral wildflowers Gardens of willows In cyclical hum In hymnal, hymnal, hymnal As the lotus gave me life In infinite contrition Like spindled glass Moonlight orchids Enlighten me Erase me Invoke me Unmake me Spite me I give you mercy Invoking death reversal
6.
Splinter 06:34
I watch you stutter and fracture I shatter and bleed I watch you stutter and fracture I stutter on fractured words Refracting over the lightfield Your glass oceans of tidal cracks Arc like ripples upon my bay of sins Insight by atrophy I watch you bleed and fracture Forgive my apologies made in cycles Lurid words Liquid balance A sign of my unending mercy Invoking my ever splintered mind Only to watch you repeat (I am refracted) I am lurid Only to watch you repeat

about

...haven't felt a sense of Balance...

"Feelings of inadequacy; insufficient; Chronic fatigue; endless ocean of fog and static; getting a point across, precisely inlaid"

"Feelings of inadequacy..."

Forward, 2/21/23

For sake of clarity in regards to explaining the background behind this album, I will attempt to do as such, this time with distance from the project.

Judgement is, in essence, about inadequacy. It was shaped by the point at which it was made, in between states of being, in the space between memories, like every inconsequential moment that lead to its creation. I was consumed by a profound sense of worthlessness; not self worthlessness, but a feeling of absolute stagnancy in regards to everything around me. I was walking in reverse, on a forward facing staircase, going nowhere. I still can't articulate it entirely. The sense of aimlessness, the sense of... less. Words fail me this time. I tried to teach myself, gain what I could from the empty maw of my continued existence. That was where Judgement was born. I filtered these senses through a very specific and refined lens, as reflective of both an attempt to catch a fleeting obsession, and to articulate the specifics of the place I found myself in. That lens was folk; Avant-Folk, specifically, as well as many different aspects and denotations of the cross sections between the avant garde and traditional, minimalist, singular pieces. It would be disingenuous to disregard my obsessions with Genre, as they form an integral part of my creative process. I was looking for some specific, something defined sonically; not necessarily by the parameters of genre or even aesthetics, but something I found guided the hand of my explorations into Avant-Folk and at points Electroacoustic music and it's compositional styles. I found a sound that was in some way detached from everything, but still inextricably tied to the kind of depression I was in. It's different than Siren; much more composed, in a strange, silent way. At points, unfeeling, unemotional; at others, more honest, more intimate, closer to an unfiltered internal self.

This album compositionally is based on self guided improvisation, manipulating structural ordering, rhythmic devices, and interplay between my voice and my guitar during the recording process. This is done to varying degrees between each song, some focusing on more strict compositional execution (Death Reversal, Magnetic Levitation), some manipulating the composition into new shapes in an ebb and flow of feeling in an improvised structural and sonic sense (Balance, Gestalt, a carnal opposite), some entirely deviating from structure and composition and collapsing into electroacoustic manipulation (Judgment, Splinter). Any use of overdubbing was either to segment two different sections of a song, to add a greater depth of atmosphere, or became the main device by which the composition functioned (Again, see Judgment and Splinter). Originally, the idea was to compose these songs as pieces that could exist entirely outside of any recording as standalone pieces that would function in any impromptu live setting. This was quickly abandoned once I realized that the endeavor was pointless, and yielded nothing in the way of any restrictiveness that drove my creative ambitions in new directions, and that I had no such luck with any presence as a live musician. My identity was as a recording musician, and thus I let myself live through these songs and embraced my .

It is possible that this album deviated from my own sense of greater meaning by carving out an existence for itself in an isolated vacuum. Simultaneously, it feels like a fragment, further fragmented. A piece of a greater whole, rent asunder. A splinter. As a part of me, it exists, caught between isolation and connection, between defining moments. Maybe the answer is in its title? In a way, I suppose it is a judgment of myself. Fitting that as I write this, even still I continue to judge. May this album find you, and find its proper place in life.

Purchases of this album come with three jpg files containing integral pieces of visual art made during the album's development, and a seventh track containing a cover of "Jesus", originally written by The Velvet Underground.

credits

released November 29, 2022

Peter Green - Acoustic Guitar, Vocals, Recording, Production, Engineering, Piano (1, 4, 5), Cover Art
Music by Son Vae, presented as "Nahtiliene"

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Son Væ Atlanta, Georgia

Balancing

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